I have been thinking a lot about my anxiety. I took a patient quiz for a potential doctor, thinking that my ADHD is finally getting to a point where I may need medication. According to the results of the patient quiz, it seems that my anxiety is ruling my thoughts and setting off my ADHD. I assumed it was the other way around. It also could have been the day of the week. Some days, anxiety is high. Others, not so much.
The below cartoon from Gemma Correll shows tea with anxiety. It’s humorous, but really on point. I guess that if tea could talk, and had anxiety, this would be what it’s saying.
The above link explains spoon theory. It is a tangible way of expressing the amount of energy it takes to get you through the day. People with ADHD and other mental illnesses use this to explain why they can’t do as much as others expect them to.
Those people who use spoon theory to explain their energy levels need to have their friends and family on board. They should be able to announce that they are all out of spoons and they are done until they can relax and regroup.
Toward the busy parts of the semester, I run out of spoons and I use the phrase. I get looked at like I’m nuts. I just need to explain myself better. The other option is to carry a copy of the article above.
Every morning, I have my routine. Most of the time, it’s pretty much in order, but mostly I get sidetracked. I usually get the big stuff done with no issues. Shower, dry, start dressing. After that, it’s a constant list. Over and over. I walk around counting what still needs to be done, like a silent chant. Toothbrush, shoes, lunch, feed cats. Over and over. Then I add and subtract as I finish things or remember what I missed.
Lately, I’ve had a helper. Mini adds feed the cats to the list multiple times. Brush teeth, meow, do a load of laundry, feed cats, meow, put your shoes on, meow. Repeat until the list is done. Not quite the same rhythm, really, when you add in the meows and stepping over cats.
My daughter also is helping with the reminders. She put up this sign. Unfortunately it gets to the point that I see it so often that I don’t see it anymore. She had to change it up a bit this week to make sure I saw it.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of the one that was there before, but it had a drawing of the two cats, and one was the back end of the kitty, walking away.
I have used the calendar in my phone for years without incident. Recently, I went to paper for my daily tasks. It works great for to-do lists.
Yesterday, I tried to get the majority of my list done in one trip. ATM, pharmacy, gas, etc, etc. I was checking them off one by one. I got home and worked on projects that weren’t on my list. I went off to class, knowing that I had accomplished a lot my list.
When I got home, I realized that I had forgotten two things, but nothing urgent. I am still wondering how I managed to forget something when it was written down. It takes talent. Plus, I’m still a work in progress.
I was at Breakfast with Daisy Jones and the Six. The server came up to me and asked how the book was, excited when she saw the title. I gave her a vague “it reads like a Rolling Stones article.” She asked if I meant that it just goes on without real chapters and then said she’s been wanting to read it. I was surprised she knew what I meant, but I am guessing she had heard about the book.
Later, after three cups of coffee, she came back and asked me if I’d like more coffee. I didn’t say what I wanted to, which was “sure, if you’d like me to stay here and you have to deal with me bouncing off the walls all day.” I just declined a fourth cup. She offered me water. Maybe she read my mind?
I left there considering bringing the book to her when I finish it. I know where she works, so I suppose I could. I wonder if she’d appreciate it.
I read an article about why people don’t read. The answer, according to the article, is electronics. TV. Smartphones. Computers. Video games. Ok. I get that. Distractions.
I have distractions such as chores, other books, and random thoughts. Most of them aren’t electronic.
One of my favorite electronic devices is my Kindle. That’s how I get the majority of my reading done. I tend to read faster on it. I think because I am not distracted/overwhelmed by seeing how many more pages I have left. Also, technically, my car radio is electronic, too, and that’s how I get my audiobooks completed.
I have been asked by many people about how I find time to read. I could be reading more than I do, but I have other interests, too. I do turn off the TV and read, often. I put the phone down when I’m reading. I even put my headphones on to tune out random noises while I read. I make time, find time, etc. I enjoy it, so I make it a priority.
I had my midterm for my PE class last week. Passed, no problem. Tonight was the midterm for my acrylic painting class. This semester, we were assigned six paintings, plus we had three extras to do. I have finished one painting. It was one of the extras.
The reason I’m behind is that I missed class for two vacations. One day for Vegas. Two days for my cruise. I was sick one day, and I missed the day of my dad’s funeral. Plus, I don’t like to paint at home because I have four legged help. Also, I spend time talking to my classmates. Big surprise there.
The critique of my work went ok. I had the first assignment mostly done, but I didn’t like the assignment, so it became a chore. I got a grade on it, which is all that matters. I finished an optional painting, and was asked to make changes earlier. I made the changes and the teacher asked me to make different changes that made no sense in the painting. So I just nodded along. I got a grade on that one, too. And my third painting, which isn’t finished, looks unfinished. Ok. Yes. Because it isn’t finished.
I did prep work for the next paintings, while my classmates gathered around to check in on me, and told me I look tired. At least they all agreed on that.
We have next week off school, but I, of course, have plans for most of the evenings that I’m usually in class. I wouldn’t be me if I’m not over scheduled.
I was multitasking. As usual. With my daughter. Unloading the dishwasher. Unpacking groceries. Cleaning out the refrigerator. Composting. Recycling. Filling up bags to put in cans. Getting ready to load the dishwasher.
I had an accident. I dropped an open jar of olives into the open dishwasher. Thankfully, I had unloaded the bottom rack, other than the silverware. I hadn’t unloaded the second half of the top shelf, but I had most of it emptied. There was olive juice everywhere in the dishwasher. Only one olive escaped, though. Unfortunately, though, everything smelled like olives.
I did what any semi normal person would do. I stopped unloading the dishwasher and started loading it. I informed everyone that since all the clean silverware didn’t make it out of the dishwasher, we’d be eating with chopsticks.
I learned long ago that I need to write it down if I’m going to remember. Or text it. Otherwise, I end up stressing about remembering to not forget. If I can’t write it down right away, I count tasks on my fingers. I know that if I have four things to do, I’ll remember 3. I write it down the moment I can. I will forget. No question.
With the ADHD, I find that I try to do way too many things at once. Like I said in an earlier post, I’m prepping for vacation, so I got several posts started. All the post drafts are calling to me. All at once.
I know, logically, that I can’t do everything at once, but I’ll try. Actually, I’ll try to save something to do later. Like I planned.