Brief flashes of normal

For the last couple of years, I’ve been not myself. A lot of depression, a lot of illness, a lot of changes. Combined, my personality disappeared. I try to do my regular routine, but so many things have changed, it’s a challenge.

I have gained a lot of weight due to a schedule change, a commute change, foot surgery, and ongoing asthma/coughing issues. I need to get back on a regular schedule.

I am not eating my regular diet because we have additional people in the household and trying to meet everyone’s dietary needs is difficult. I just do what I can, and it means that I am not eating like I should be.

I have not been sleeping like I used to, so I’m not awake as early as before. I miss the morning gym trips more often than not. I still need to work on this. I am upping my fitbit step goal this week, so that should help a little.

I haven’t been making long term plans because I don’t know what’s going to happen to derail the plans. I have three trips planned for 2019. I now have things to look forward to, instead of anticipating horrible things. There is so much more good that is happening now than bad that might happen in the future.

I stopped two of my long term volunteer positions because my kids are older, I don’t have to, and I’m not in the area anymore. I don’t get paid in anything but headaches from one of them, so I’m backing out of the things I am not really required to attend. I am much happier now that I’m learning to say no and telling people to do their own jobs. I am not dropping everything to help someone else who is very capable of doing it himself.

My school classes keep me busy four nights a week. I had been going to movies and/or dinner with a friend once a week or so. Then he got a girlfriend, so I made other plans for our regular meeting days. I decided it wasn’t healthy to sit around and wait.

I am happier than I’ve been in a long time, but I still have areas to work on. If I didn’t have these things to work on, I would be bored and get more and more depressed. These little goals and adventures give me something to look forward to.

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